Couples

How I Work With Couples

Relationships are the bedrock of our lives. When they are going well, everything seems possible and our lives are full of meaning.  Within intimate and safe connection we find our aliveness. However, intimate partnerships are delicate, evolving, oftentimes dangerous phenomena. It is so easy to lose our footing. In disconnection, we can experience helplessness, hopelessness, alienation, anger run amok, even terror.
During those times, we wonder how we can ever make our way back home – to the safe and intimate connection we once had with our partner.


For over 20 years, I have been helping couples repair the ruptures in their connection. I lead with an approach called Imago Therapy - a proven and highly effective repair kit for faltering relationships. Oprah and her partner Stedman owe the survival of their long-lived relationship to Imago.


Intentional Dialogue is the cornerstone of Imago Therapy. Intentional Dialogue brings an end to the Wild West in our relationships. It teaches us disciplined communication and holds us safely within its structures making possible even our most difficult conversations.


I watch with amazement how the more skilful a couple becomes with Intentional Dialogue, the more they are reminded of the attraction that pulled them together in the first place.


In my practice, I lead couples to a deeper compassion and understanding of their partner’s experience of the relationship. They become willing to trade in their certainty about how they think their partner ought to be for a new-found curiosity about how in fact they really are. Curiosity becomes the new romantic atmosphere. It curbs high levels of emotional reactivity, lowers levels of anxiety in the system, liberates us to be more authentically who we are which in turn promotes intimacy. A happy romantic circle! 


​“Attention is the purest form of love. Through it, we bless and are blessed.”
John Tarrant